Is Your Ego Keeping You from Going After Your Dreams?

When it comes to making a major career or life transition, there are many issues that need to be considered and addressed. However, there is one issue that can keep people stuck in their unhappy present circumstances without them even being aware that it’s involved. That issue is “ego.”

So often I see people who yearn to follow their passion and go after their dreams but instead remain stuck because they’re concerned about what others will think of them. This is especially true if they would need to settle for a lower income or scale down their standard of living in the process of going after their dream. They’re afraid of being less valued, losing respect and prestige, and being seen as failures.

If you think you’re immune to this kind of thinking…think again! It can happen to anyone, even those of us who are not driven by vanity, external validation, or materialistic gratification.

How do I know? Because it happened to me when I was thinking about leaving my engineering career to start my own business.

I struggled with that decision for quite a long time…years, in fact. The more I wrestled with it the more conflicted I became. I slowly began to realize that, aside from the financial concerns and worries about insurance coverage, one of my biggest stumbling blocks was the issue of my giving up my role of “being an engineer.”

Over the years I had noticed that people responded to me differently when they learned that I had a degree in physics and worked as an engineer. It was amazing how often that little factoid could catapult me from “invisible” to “intellectually relevant” in the span of a few seconds.

So when I considered leaving the corporate world to go into the personal development field as an author and consultant, I felt that I would not only be losing my professional identity but also what little “respect” I had earned. I would be an inexperienced newcomer with no formal credentials in a field which many people (especially my former colleagues) considered to be fluff.

I shuddered at the thought of people snickering behind my back, but what bothered me even more was my own dawning realization that I was toting around a basketful of ego issues. “Surely, not me!” I insisted to myself. “If anything, I have too little ego, not too much!” But the truth remained, my ego was playing a big role in keeping me stuck. I needed to come to terms with that so that I could figure out a way to get past it.

Then one day, while wrestling with my perpetual indecision and angst yet again, I had an “Ah-ha!” moment. I suddenly realized that my desire to help others improve their lives was much more important to me than what professional label I had or how people might judge me. It became clear to me that the choice I faced was about something much bigger than labels or job titles. It was about passion, purpose, and authenticity. That realization made a huge shift in my frame of mind and eventually gave me the courage to take a leap of faith.

My ego issues didn't go away overnight. In fact, they haunted me long after I went out on my own and still pop up once in a while even now. But now I know that whenever they try to wiggle their way into my head and undermine my efforts, I just need to keep my attention on what counts: on my passion, on my sense of purpose and on being who I really am.

Ego issues such as these can be serious obstacles to creating the kind of life and work we yearn for. Don't underestimate them. They are very elusive. They fly under our radar, sneak up on us, feed on our fear and insecurity, and keep us stuck in our comfort zones without our realizing it.  

Unfortunately, this topic is rarely discussed in books on career change or entrepreneurship. I touch on some of these issues in my Getting Ready for Changehome study program. There’s also a terrific blog post written by Jonathan Fields titled Trapped By Your Ego?I encourage you to check it out.

So I'm curious: Do you feel your ego is in some way keeping you from going after your dreams or creating the kind of life you really want?

I’d love to here your thoughts or experiences on this topic.

Comments

[Deb]

Great post, Nadia.

Quite often we see the obstacle or problem with making change, but at the core is some unidentifiable aspect of ego holding us back. It is easier to attack an obstacle than something within us which we are unaware is at work. This gives me something new to consider. Keep up the good work.